It 's just so hard

Never imagined myself to turn out like this. I must admit, food is my passion and doing a gastronomic adventure with my hubby just makes my day - it's a relief to my soul. Well, even my boyfriend loves food too. When I travel (by land), I just could not prevent myself from eating something to overcome the boredom.

My mum said when I was still a kid, feeding me was such a difficult thing to do. It would often take her long before i could finish my meal. In order to encourage me to eat, there's always a glass of Milo (the chocolate drink) every meal. I rarely drink water when I was a kid. I was not very much a fan of eating then, except when it comes to sweets. I've always had a slim physique. My mum even encouraged me to eat a lot so that I could gain weight. The prize?? I can have this hollywood hair barbie doll. Well, I was the one who asked for the toy as a prize. But despite the offer, it still did not work. I remained to be slim, until I forgot about the prize. I never had my dream toy....

Until I grew up...and developed this uncontrollable passion for eating. And i GREW, this time, literally. I started hearing my friends say that I have grown bigger, like an inflated balloon. Of course, I was not pleased. Months had passed, and I could no longer wear some of my clothes. I told myself "this could not be!". I checked on my weight to see if what they're telling me is true. I could not believe with what I saw. For many years, I consistently weighed 90 lbs, but this time, I gained 20 lbs. One night, I looked at myself in the mirror - I could no longer deny, I got bigger. I have no choice but to just say YES to the observations of my friends and my "boyfriend". My boyfriend would even warn me to watch my intake of foods. This irritates me somehow but I know he is just concerned.

Until one morning, I woke up saying to myself that I should start losing weight, and that I should try going on a diet. Losing weight means eating fewer calories than you burn off in your everyday life, which also means making changes to my lifestyle. I know there is really a need for me to start changing this quite unhealthy lifestyle of mine. BUT IT'S JUST SO HARD.

One night, my sister and I decided to just eat salad - no rice and other stuffs, just salad with an egg dressing. So, i made one with some chunks of chicken and shrimps sauteed in rosemary (well, the salad turned out good). I was thinking if i can do this for at least just 1 week. I thought it would be enough for me to lose a few pounds. But, I failed. The next day, I was back to my normal diet again. Thanks to my boyfriend, he bought me 2 boxes of breakfast cereals before he left for manila. Well at least, I don't have to eat rice in the morning. Last Saturday, my sister and I were supposed to go to gym. But because we woke up late and we no longer had time to go to gym (we had to go to mom's clinic to get flu shots), the plan did not materialize.

When i got admitted in the hospital for 9 days (I was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis), I was expecting that I would lose a few pounds. I haven't eaten well for days and I was thinking of it as an opportunity for me to finally lose some pounds....When we got home, I checked my weight and just got disappointed..

Maybe I just lack discipline. But at this point, all I can say it that losing weight is just so hard.